注册 登录  
 加关注
   显示下一条  |  关闭
温馨提示!由于新浪微博认证机制调整,您的新浪微博帐号绑定已过期,请重新绑定!立即重新绑定新浪微博》  |  关闭

MapleRipple's

BETWEEN THE DEVIL AND THE DEEP BLUE SEA

 
 
 

日志

 
 

【摘】THANKSGIVING 2006: President's Sincere and Heartfelt Prayer of Thanks to America's Official (Christian) God  

2006-11-24 13:02:00|  分类: news eye |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

  下载LOFTER 我的照片书  |

Dear God,

It's me, George. I'll give You a minute while You finish doing whatever You were doing. Like kissing buttercups yellow, or knitting clouds, or cleaning stardust out of from under Your enormous, perfectly manicured fingernails with a thunderbolt while Sunni death squads drill holes in the heads of everyday Shiites and vice versa.

Still there? I know You are; I can always feel You inside me, Lord; it's not unlike when You got a tingly burning in Your urethra.

Your presence in my life is so important, Lord – especially when I'm abdicating all of my authority to bunch of super-smart fellas. Like former CIA Director told George Tenet told me that the invasion of Iraq would be a "slam dunk?" I just knew he was right, even though that nacho cheese-stuffed James Bond wannabe lied, I still knew that it would all work out anyway.

Which is why, Lord, on the occasion of this national holiday celebrating the wholesale plunder of Injun resources and plenty, I want to thank You, on behalf of the Republican Party. Thank You, Almighty, for all the wonderment and amazitude of Your ginormous and super-powered benevelacity. We bow before your greatness and offer the sacrifice of pride in order to praise You, for all You've done for us. With the exception of the recent mid-term elections; but You are great and all-knowing, and I'm sure it's a minor little burp in Your GOP-leaning grand scheme.

I am thankful for so much this year, Lord. I'm thankful that Vice President Cheney hasn't gone and shot up some ol' geezer's noggin again! Heh-heh-heh.

Seriously though, I am thankful for Vice President Cheney. He's a hell of a shit magnet, You know? So long as he's around, lurking in the shadows, yelling at me until I tear up, I will never appear half as evil as I really am.

I am thankful for the Iraqi people. They aren't "standing up" the way I had hoped, but if they keep killing each other by the six-pack the way they are, there might not be any terrorists left to torture.

I am thankful that right now, as we praise You, Donald Rumsfeld is getting the words "THUG LIFE" tattooed on his liver-spotted man teats. I'm gonna miss that motherfucker.

I am thankful that, even though I sort of kind of helped kick him to the curb, Senator Trent Lott has ascended back into the Republican Congressional Leadership. In retrospect, maybe ol' Bill Frist was just too much a sycophantic pussy biscuit. It just goes to show that the only Republicans you can openly trust are those who are straight-up racist ballers like Trent.

I am thankful that the Democratic Congress is already going at each other like pitbulls with bologna slices stapled to their snouts.

I am thankful that one of the last things you allowed me to do was rubberstamp a 700 mile fence on a 2,000 mile border. That'll keep those cocoa-hobbits from coming over to THIS country and propping up our economy.

I am super thankful that Senator John Kerry has been kicked out of the Democratic Leadership Nerd Club. Don't he look a little like Abraham Lincoln with AIDS?

I am thankful for this Democratic Congress, because when Iraq spirals EVEN MORE out of control over the next two years, history will spread the blame around for what is really my clusterfuck. I'm also thankful the pressure is off of me. I can now sit back and watch my legacy destroy the next generation.

I am thankful for former Representative Mark Foley, who proves that all immoral behavior can be excused by saying "I drink a little too much." From boy fucking, to meth snorting, to the looting of the US Treasury by corporate lobbyists, Mark gave us an awesome out.

O Lord, You abandoned us this past November 7th, but we forgive Thee. At least, in anticipation of some great celestial favor you'll pay the GOP in 2008. I'm not saying You're not grateful, but don't forget who got their knees and sucked Your divine fucking cock until You came comets and rainbows all over our face.

And everybody says,

A-MEN

Let's eat some stringy, tasteless turkey, bitches!

  评论这张
 
阅读(263)| 评论(3)
推荐 转载

历史上的今天

评论

<#--最新日志,群博日志--> <#--推荐日志--> <#--引用记录--> <#--博主推荐--> <#--随机阅读--> <#--首页推荐--> <#--历史上的今天--> <#--被推荐日志--> <#--上一篇,下一篇--> <#-- 热度 --> <#-- 网易新闻广告 --> <#--右边模块结构--> <#--评论模块结构--> <#--引用模块结构--> <#--博主发起的投票-->
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

页脚

网易公司版权所有 ©1997-2017